Who's a Good Boy?
by ColonelSexypants
Summary: Prussia wants to get something to eat, but is stopped by Austria, who seems to be watching something very interesting happening at the far end of the kitchen. -Prussia's patience (if you could call standing there fidgeting patience) paid off when he heard a cooed, "Who's a good boy, huh? Who's a good boy?"- Rated for OOC and crack and a swear. Slight PruAus if you squint.


**I will explain how I came up with this in the last author's notes, but I will warn you up here that it's kind of stupid and silly, lol.**

**Germany with one of his dogs being rather un-Germany. That's all I'm gonna say.**

**I hope you enjoy, and I don't own APH~!**

After the seventh time of his stomach growling pitifully, Prussia decided it was probably a good idea to get out of bed and go get some food. As he walked out of his room, he glanced at the one opposite it, wondering vaguely if West was at home of if he'd gone out somewhere with Italy again. Then, when his stomach growled again, as if a little awesome demon inside was punching his intestines, he decided he didn't care where his brother was so long as he had decent food in his fridge.

He didn't bother lifting his feet and being quiet as he trudged lazily down the stairs, because he was awesome and awesome people didn't need to be quiet. On the way to the kitchen, he passed the mirror in the living room, and stopped a moment to strike an awesome pose. He grinned at himself. Yep, even when he'd just woken up and his hair was a mess and he had some drool dried on the side of his mouth and he was in his flannel Tweety-Bird pyjamas, he was still awesome and sexy and all the other things that the Great Prussia was.

Turning the corner from the living room to the hall to the kitchen, he paused when he saw Austria standing there staring into the kitchen with this look of utter confusion and incredulousness on his hoity-toity face. He wondered for a moment why Austria was even here, with that stupid look on his so-not-awesome face, then remembered that the prissy man was staying here for the week due to some bullshit about repairs or something on his house. He inched forward, intent on jumping on and scaring him, but he barely even got halfway before the brunet half-turned and gave him a dirty look before frowning sternly and whispering, "Shh!"

Now Prussia was curious. Furrowing his brow, he scurried the rest of the way down the hall and joined Austria in peeking around the corner to the island in the middle of the kitchen. He gave Austria a confused look, but the man just shook his head and nodded towards it. "Just listen," he mouthed.

A few seconds in, Prussia's stomach was practically crying to the heavens and he was starving and just generally growing impatient. He was about to say fuck it and walk in and just get some food, screw whatever Austria had his sights set on, when the brunet gave him this deadly glare that said "Move and I will cut your five meters in half with a rusty old knife." Prussia decided Austria was terrifying in the morning, and did not move from his spot.

His patience (if you could call standing there fidgeting patience) paid off when he heard a cooed, "Who's a good boy, huh? Who's a good boy?"

Prussia's red eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. His jaw dropping, he hissed, "West?"

Austria just nodded, face red as he attempted to hold in what would probably be most undignified laughter. He jerked his head, motioning for Prussia to follow him, and tip-toed over to the island, where he proceeded to peek around the corner towards the back door. Right behind him, Prussia also stared at the more frequently used entrance, which was littered with shoes and coats (probably Italy's) and a big Golden retriever and Germany himself. Prussia was so shocked he couldn't even think about laughing, but Austria had to bite hard on his knuckles to keep from snickering. The albino thought to himself that Austria was pretty unrefined in the mornings and that he was almost cute like this, but his slightly disturbing thought process got cut off when Germany bubbled, "You wanna treat, Aster? Are you a good boy?"

Aster barked, wagging his tail happily, and jumped up, tongue lolling. If dogs could grin, Prussia was positive Aster would be _beaming_. Mostly, he was trying to wrap his head around seeing his ever-stoic stick in the mud little brother _cooing_ and talking in the silliest voice Prussia had ever heard and _playing_. Soon, he got over the initial shock and soon had to contain laughter too, so he pressed a hand to his mouth, trying not to breathe for fear of snorting and laughing hysterically. With wide eyes, he and Austria continued to spy on the unsuspecting blond, who was now rolling around on the ground as Aster barked and ran around him, trying to get the treat Germany was hiding underneath his body.

"Sit!"

Aster did so, sitting back. His tail thumped against the floor excitedly. Germany kneeled in front of him, a huge, toothy, ridiculous grin on his face. Prussia was sort of terrified to see that it was almost as stupid as the smile Italy usually wore and he _swore_ Germany had gone and stolen France's sparkles because the man practically _glittered. _

Finally, when Germany pulled out a tug-of-war toy from nowhere and started pulling on it with Aster, still bribing him with the treat and singing, "Who's a good boy, Aster?" Prussia couldn't take it anymore and fell back, laughing hysterically. Austria gave him a disapproving look for a moment, his mouth twitching, but it quickly disappeared when he too dissolved into a fit of unstoppable giggles as Germany let out an alarmed yell and tripped over a shoe and fell face first onto the floor. Prussia tried to stop laughing, he really did, but every time he got close he'd meet Austria's laughter-wet purple eyes and they'd both burst into snickers again.

They were both collapsed on the floor, rolling back and forth and laughing their heads off when suddenly a dark, ominous shadow passed over them. Austria immediately stopped laughing, but his lips were twitching and his eyes were still sparkling, but it took Prussia a bit longer to quell the sniggers. He eventually managed to tone it down and just grin like an idiot, hiccupping slightly and wiping at his wet eyes. Both of their laughter-induced grins faded when they saw the homicidal look on Germany's face. He was holding the tug-of-war toy like a whip.

"You—" he growled, stepping forward, "saw," another step forward, "_nothing_."

Prussia, like an idiot, said, "Actually, what I saw was my little brother's man card being ripped to shreds."

"_Prussia_," Austria hissed, but he sounded like he still was repressing laughter.

Germany's blue eyes glinted dangerously and Prussia thought vaguely that he would have at least liked to eat something before he had to die.

Prussia giggled, this time out of nervousness. "West—"

"Run."

"I—what?"

The words were spoken calmly, but the look in Germany's eyes made it a death threat. "I said _run_."

Neither Austria nor Prussia had any objections to this and they were both on their feet and out of the kitchen before Germany could even take another step forward. They left the house and ran, ignoring the fact that they were in pyjamas and barefoot and getting a whole lot of weird looks, and when they finally stopped, panting, Prussia said, "There's no way we can go back there for at least two weeks."

"Where will we stay?"

Prussia thought. "France? I know he's always got room for guests."

"He smells like cheese, plus, he wants to touch my vital regions and that's not really my cup of tea."

"Right, 'cause you're prissy." Then Prussia realized something. "I'm starving."

"Stupid."

"It's not my fault _someone_ stopped me from going into the kitchen and getting food. This is all your fault, you know."

"_My _fault? You're the one who ruined it by laughing."

"You're the one who made me watch."

"You're the one who decided to stay and watch, idiot."

"You're still the one who made me watch."

Austria gave up then, clearly realizing that fighting with an idiot was pointless. "We should go back."

"Are you fuckin' kidding? I like living, thanks."

Austria glared. "If we apologize, he'll be fine." He started to walk off. Prussia was kind of too scared to go back, but eventually followed, even though he knew perfectly well that they were most likely walking to their death.

Sure enough, when they got back to the house and knocked on the door, Austria prepared to apologize and Prussia cowering behind him, the first thing they got greeted with when the door opened was a string of German curses and a bullet being shot at the cement at their feet. Prussia eeped and jumped about five miles in the air and Austria practically jumped into his arms, screeching, and then they were both sprinting as hard as they could away from the house.

"So, France?" Prussia breathed as he avoided a dictionary being thrown at his head.

"Fine." Austria was tight lipped as he ran beside Prussia. "France is far enough, right?"

"Sorta."

"France it is."

**I got this idea when I was sitting in the living room at my dad's house, watching D. Gray Man, and I heard something that was very much **_**not**_** Kanda's overly sexy voice (seriously, in Japanese and English, how UNFAIR) and more like my dad going "WHO'S A GOOD BOY, RALPHY? WHO'S A GOOD BOY?" and shaking the treat box. While my dad is generally a silly guy (not like Germany at all) it still struck me as really weird and hilarious that he would do something like that, and I got this idea, so I wrote it down quickly. **

**It's sort of based off of how I think my sister and I would react, with me as Prussia (because I'm an idiot) and her as Austria (because she's not an idiot). **

**Well, now that you know my pointless life story, I hope you enjoyed this short fic. (By the way, I know Austria was pretty OOC.) Anyhoodle, I would appreciate reviews and favourites and stuff :) Let me know what you thought!**


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